I can’t help it.
I just am. A Grinch that is.
For the first 30-ish years of my life I was in denial thinking it was purely normal to associate ‘crankiness’ with putting up the Christmas tree, delaying buying presents until the 24th, and groaning when Mom & Dad made us kids pile into the ol’ two-tone blue Ford Meteor to drive around in the rain and look at Christmas lights.
Busted by my daughters
Oh what fun … Rachel (my EA) who loves Christmas. And me.I kept my thoughts about it to myself, for the most part, but once we had our own children, my secret was no longer safe. My girls sniffed it out of me in a heartbeat and around late November of each year the accusations began to hurl of me being a Christmas Grinch.
You can only imagine… why don’t we have lights on our house? How come we never put up our tree until the week before Christmas? How come Christmas music isn’t on all the time at home?
Enough already.
I had to own up to it. I am the ultimate Christmas Grinch.
There. I’ve said it. I’m not proud of it but with the surge of all things Christmas on social media and Instagram posts starting in October, yes October!!! of trees and baking and lights – it’s not easy being me and keeping quiet about it!
It’s all a misunderstanding
The other unfortunate cross I bear is being misunderstood at this time of year.
Because actually, the whole reason I am the grouch that I am about Christmas is due to what society has caused Christmas to become as opposed to what it really is.
The world at large has taken a historical event called Christmas – marking the birthday of Jesus Christ – and turned it into a commercialized happy holiday using the word Christmas but removing the Christ part.
Bear with me, I am not preaching about my Christian faith, I’m just asking: can we not force this Christian event to become what it isn’t?
I far more respect someone insisting on calling it Happy Holidays and creating their own traditions around that, than someone getting uptight with me because I sent out Merry Christmas cards and might offend someone who doesn’t share my world view.
Oh wait, what am I saying – I don’t send out Christmas cards.
But enough about me.
Because Christmas is certainly not about me.
So, here’s a simple test to take to see if you are a Grinch or not.
The higher you score, the more likely you are to be one. Congratulations to the Rachels of the world who score zero points – you are not and will never ever be a Grinch.
Who’s Rachel you ask? My Executive Assistant at Phantom Screens who LOVES all things Christmas. Her only problem is she desperately tries to make me join in on the fun. Big mistake but I love her anyways and I love her heart for trying.
Soon she will learn the more she tries the bigger the Grinch I become #justsaying.
The test
Score one point for every answer yes.
2 points means you are on a slippery Grinch slope
5 means you have officially joined the Grinch Club
10 points means I now have competition for the title of Grand Pooba Christmas Grinch.
- You actually notice when Christmas decorations are hung up early and think that’s a little off. By early I mean pre-December 1.
- You not only notice early hung Christmas decorations but you actually grumble about or at least mention your dismay to someone else.
- You feel disappointed on the day after American Thanksgiving when all radio stations feel the need to switch to Christmas music.
- You literally feel a surge of annoyance when someone asks you “So, are you ready for Christmas yet?”
- You are not only annoyed if someone asks you if you’re ready for Christmas, but you have pre-meditated thoughts of slapping the next person who asks.
- You hear the words Christmas baking and your first thought is eating and enjoying someone else’s baking and are so thankful you don’t need to bake .
- You develop mild irritation during your Christmas present shopping which grows into stronger irritation as time passes, feeling like buying gifts is falling prey to the commercialized world wily ways. Double points if it happens on December 24th.
- You are negatively and fully aware of the present-giving cycle from the start to the finish ending with “this is dumb”. The cycle looks like this: Beg/yell for Wish Lists – Search for gifts – Shop online or in stores – Buy said gift – Wrap said gift – Put gift under the tree – Give gift to loved one – See their joy real or conjured – See it a week later still boxed unused on counter – See it decay/out-date/battery dies/dis-colour by June – Throw out/re-gift/send to Thrift Store in November – repeat entire process and say to yourself “this is dumb” as you put the Lindor Chocolate Tree back on the shelf and continue walking aimlessly around the store”.
- You smile graciously when your friend hands you a Christmas card and says Merry Christmas while your inside voice is thinking “why give me a card when you just said Merry Christmas to my face?” Unless there is money in the card or a family photo or an excuse to say thank you or something – that’s cool then.
- You wish the gift-giving aspect of Christmas actually happens randomly all year long and there is no forced obligation one day a year to buy gifts out of expectation. You think it’s a whole bunch funner (we’ve previously established in my blogs that funner is a word) to shower people with gifts for no purpose whatsoever except to show love and appreciation of them.